An important part of healing involves cultivating a “holding environment” – a space inside of ourselves that can hold the full range of our experience.  The process of healing requires us to turn towards and become more present to our internal experience. As you may likely know, arriving in the present moment does not always translate into arriving in pleasant moments. In fact, so many of our self-protective strategies involve leaving the present moment (i.e. over-doing/working, mentally rehearsing future scenarios, using mind-altering substances) because it allows us to avoid the unpleasantness of the moment. In order to stay present to the vast array of our human experience, our internal holding environment needs to have certain characteristics that support our doing so.  In order to turn toward the parts of our lives and ourselves that cause us suffering - the parts we often don't like, a primary characteristic that we must first cultivate is compassion, or self-compassion.

The concept of Self-Compassion was operationalized by Kristin Neff, who is the leading researcher on the subject. She identifies Self-Compassion as having three elements; Mindfulness, Self-kindness, and Common Humanity. 

Mindfulness orients our attention to the present moment without judgment.  With mindfulness, we are able to witness what is happening in our internal experience with qualities of curiosity, interest, and receptivity.  When we practice mindfulness, we do not deny, ignore, or push away difficult aspects of our experience, nor do we over-identify with them.  Mindfulness allows us to turn towards the truth of how things are.

Self-Kindness is a quality of warmth, understanding, and acceptance. It does not turn away from, minimize or ignore emotional or behavioral patterns that contribute to our suffering in service of "being nice", but it also does not layer on criticism. Kindness has to do with the tone with which we meet our patterns of suffering. It is a friendly, supportive, and encouraging tone.  Kindness speaks truth, but it does so in a non-condemning way. 

Common Humanity is a recognition that we are not alone in our suffering, short-comings, or struggles. It acknowledges that our suffering and what we may often see as personal failures or flaws, are actually a part of what it means to be human…it all falls within the realm of the shared human experience.  When we recognize our common humanity, we recognize that our suffering is not our fault - in fact, it is a part of our biological nature as human beings to suffer.  When we orient toward our difficulties through this lens of common humanity, we reduce feelings of isolation and shame.

Compassion's main intention is to support the alleviation of suffering.  When we experience compassion, we are filled with a desire to do what we can to support, comfort, and ease the suffering.  Self-Compassion holds our present moment internal experience with these qualities of mindfulness, kindness and common humanity.  A compassionate orientation considers what adjustments, actions, or shifts might support the alleviation of suffering.  In this way, compassion encourages us to take responsibility for our suffering, without taking the shame that may have often accompanied past attempts to heal.

Compassion Oriented Therapy supports clients in cultivating self-compassion as they explore and process their suffering, and throughout their process of implementing new patterns, actions, or intentions that are rooted in a deeper sense of personal insight or wisdom.